Friday, March 19, 2010

Out of the mouths of ...

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By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Someone once asked Jennifer Lopez, the talented songstress and movie star, what she got on her SATs in high school and she replied, "Nail polish." I love things like that. It's what keeps me going. Just last week, a female acquaintance of mine loudly demanded, "No, seriously. How old was I when I was 20?" People and the things they say have delightfully sustained my life because of what has come out of their mouths. I like to think I adopted this gift and displayed it in my retirement speech to members of The Community Library a few years back. Stepping down from my position as regional history librarian, I offered, "There's no future in history."

As the major leagues baseball season starts up again, I am reminded of a career .200 hitter named Bob Uecker who when asked about his biggest thrills in baseball said, "Well, there were two really. In 1967, with the St. Louis Cardinals, I walked with the bases loaded to drive in the winning run in an intersquad game in spring training. The other was when I was with the Philadelphia Phillies in 1969 and I got to watch a fan fall out of the third tier of the upper deck in Yankee Stadium." These are golden moments to me.

I still remember an old pal of mine from the Casino here in town who when asked why he hadn't worked in two years, replied, "Well, you know I never have pursued a career relentlessly." Love it.

And who can forget the explanation of life by the controversial, satanist rock star, Marilyn Manson, who said, "In the end, we're all Jerry Springer Show guests—we just haven't been on the show."

Spring has arrived early this year, folks, and it occurs to me that the bodacious banter has begun. Keep your ears and hearts open and remember that when people are laughing, they are generally not killing one another.

Nice talking to you.